Shared Freakdom

On a psychiatry website, I read the description of a psychopath. It freaked me out that most of the points listed in the article applied to me. Then I thought, probably they also applied for a lot of other people as well… People are social beings, an almost basic description of human beings. Therefore it is “normal”, acceptable (?), common place (!) to try to adapt to a community.

The article stated that in order to fit into a certain group, trying to hide some aspects of one’s personality is part of what makes a psychopath. Well, if this is enough, then I am one as well.

Thank god, that is not all. You would also have to have extreme ideas and tendencies that would be hard to accept by almost anybody. And according to the article, trying to hide tendencies, one would lose it and display psychopathic behavior.

Reading about personality disorders on a psychiatry website and trying to figure out whether they applied to me also made me think of my adolescence. As an adolescent, I would read through psychiatry magazines and books with a friend and we would believe that we had borderline disorder, schizophrenia or that we were sociopaths and what not.

Now that I am a grown up woman fully aware of the significance of turning towards professional opinions rather than googling for answers on sensitive issues, instead of consulting a shrink, I narrowed down my possible psychological disorders to bipolar type something. The type that has mood swings almost every hour, as I wrote in an earlier post…

Coming back to the website and my reading about it… Reading about the comments that many people had added there, even the videos that they had uploaded of themselves going through a certain phase of their disorder, I realized that their sharing was making everything so much easier. It was helping others express what they were going through and helping them feel less lonely.

Even I felt like I was getting support from a bunch of people that I had never seen, that I was not even interacting with. Merely finding similarities between their stories and mine helped me get a brighter point of view about my life.

Considering the amount of information there is about growing up and teenage tantrums and frustrations, along with all the risks that the Internet may pose for adolescents, I bet had I been a teenager now, the loneliness that accompanied me in those days like a dark cloud blocking my view of reality would have become much lighter, less dense and easier to deal with.

I am glad that there are people sharing their stories with the rest of us and making the transition from birth to death called life so much easier. Helping the likes and “unlikes” of me feel they are not as freakish as they are made to believe through the shared stories. The more we read about shared “freakdom”, the less we freak out…

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