The decision that follows “What if”

The Difficult Decision by Stefano Novo This work is in the public domain in those countries with a copyright term of life of the author plus 80 years or less.
The Difficult Decision
by Stefano Novo
This work is in the public domain in those countries with a copyright term of life of the author plus 80 years or less.

Yes, the ultrasound and seeing that tiny being in my belly doing disco moves incessantly, being astonished by how magically the human body, or any living creature’s body functions was groundbreaking and eye opening for me.

However, 5 minutes later, while I was wiping the semi-liquid thing off my belly, hubby and I were asking questions about the trisomy (Down’s syndrome) tests…

You see, I could get the trisomy test done right then and there, but what all the receptionists, the hospital officials and the nice assistant asking me whether I would like the ultrasound done blah blah forgot to mention was that for the trisomy test to be conducted along with the ultrasound which itself cost 130 dollars, I would have to be paying an extra 400 dollars.

So, being not so poor but definitely NOT rich, we said, no thanks, we would rather get the free state supported trisomy test done.

But apparently, to receive the results for that test, we would have to wait 6 weeks!

Naturally, hubby asked the question resonating in my head: would it be too late?

Too late for what? I had to put it into words, “to terminate the pregnancy”…

You see, I have always been pro-choice, not being pro-choice never even occurred to me. When I heard about so many Americans being anti-choice, I could not believe it, a country that is supposed to be “the centre of all sorts of choices” (this opinion of mine has quickly been vanishing, as I find out more and more about the USA, now living so nearby)… Every woman should have the right to refuse to give birth to a baby they believe they cannot take care of… No matter what their circumstances may be, whether the baby was conceived in as terrible circumstances as a rape, or during a light hearted love affair that ended with a “woops”.

I felt weird, having to say “terminate the pregnancy” when I was marveling at my tiny baby a few minutes ago, but, although a child with certain congenital diseases may grow up to be a healthy member of the society, I also had to watch a few of my mother’s friends give up on their own lives so that they could carry their child to the bathroom several times a day, feed them, change them and make up a life for them, all the while the child seemed to be unaware of anything going on around them.

Therefore, rather than selfishly permit a possibility for such hardships to affect both our lives as parents and our child’s, I would rather have an abortion and give everyone a better chance at a fully lived out life…

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First Ultrasound: A Landmark

Coliseum Theater New Orleans The building was damaged in Hurricane Katrina in August 2005; work was ongoing to restore it when it caught fire in February 2006 and was a total loss and the ruins demolished. This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license. http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Coliseum_Theater_New_Orleans_To_Have_and_Have_Not.jpg
Coliseum Theater New Orleans
The building was damaged in Hurricane Katrina in August 2005; work was ongoing to restore it when it caught fire in February 2006 and was a total loss and the ruins demolished.
This file is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 2.0 Generic license.
http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Coliseum_Theater_New_Orleans_To_Have_and_Have_Not.jpg

My pregnancy is advancing. 3 months already… I realized that pregnancy came with its surprises and I wondered, how come so many women got through the same thing but so little is told about some experiences throughout the whole process…

A few days ago turned out to be a landmark of surprises for me. I finally met my obstetrician, who seems very nice. I was expecting to be brushed off after a brief look at my blood tests… but I was actually asked if I wanted get an ultrasound done… Something I thought was unreachable here in Canada. As far as I can tell, most clinics do not have ultrasounds… And even if they do, it is hard to meet all the requirements to get to one, to feel the cool touch of one on the tummy…

So I thought the soonest I would be able to have the cold, transparent, semi liquid thing squished on my belly and be used as a skating ring for an ultrasound gadget would be in a month, at four months, that is…

Well, apparently, I was supposed to have gotten my ultrasound sooner… As told by my obstetrician, no other person I saw until I finally made it to her said anything about that! Come on, this is once in a lifetime (for me) experience and you guys are making me miss out on stuff…

Plus, I paid 130 dollars for it… The result: There really is a living thing in me!!! It was incredible… I shed a few tears, and could not believe, though it may sound cliché, that my hubby and I could have unprotected sex and produce a living being!

I never thought much about human’s or any other creature’s ability to procreate, but since that day at the obstetrician, this has changed for me… I cannot believe that the body whose only function was to move around, eat and shit until 3 months ago has now taken on a new mission, producing the right environment for a new living being to flourish…

Cheesy but still, it all gets one to wonder…

I was also astounded by how much that little thing of 5 cm, a tiny replica of the smallest baby, complete with a set of legs and arms and a huge round head (much like my husband’s) was moving! No one ever had told me that babies move no matter how small they are. I thought it would be sleeping and resting like a sea cucumber!

But no! It was so active that the doctor had difficulty making some measurements. Now I see why every parent to be, on seeing their kid on the ultrasound decide it will be a footballer…

Mine will be a dancer… despite the giant daddy head 😛

Hormonal resentment of the week: Of all the screenshots my dearest doctor (whom I will be seeing maybe 6 more times?) before labor only to be greeted by a completely strange person dressed in green to be by my side as one of the most valued parts of my body are being ripped apart…

Angry Preggo’s Popcorn Boobs and Behaviors that grind her teeth

Sad Woman  by Gyula Basch This work is in the public domain in the European Union and non-EU countries with a copyright term of life of the author plus 70 years or less.
Sad Woman
by Gyula Basch
This work is in the public domain in the European Union and non-EU countries with a copyright term of life of the author plus 70 years or less.

Angry Preggo is me…

Frstly, why have I been away for the last few weeks?

I have been having morning sickness for some weeks now. And anything I do during this time ends up being associated with nausea… Including blogging, story writing, eventually trying hard for anything…

I am 2,5 months pregnant now, and hormones are everywhere. I am sticky with hormones.

My boobs are huge, well, actually they have finally attained normal boob sizes… I feel terribly embarrassed when I bend down to get something and from the corner of my eye, I see this cleavage I used to stare at on other women…

Well, at least I am not in Turkey anymore, so I don’t really have to feel shy when I accidentally show popcorn (suddenly popping) boobies… They just happen to be inserted there. What do you want me to do?

And why am I angry? Hormones! I am pissed at a lot of stuff… I had never realized how many things can make me lose it… I am exasperated with people, systems, elevators but mostly tiny behaviors that could be overlooked but are making my life harder these days!!!

Well, yes, I have been rather at the extreme end of annoyance recently, but I am sure there are a few people out there, probably not reading my blog, that would agree with me.

So here is item number one that pisses me off:

– that dear friend/colleague who keeps saying something quite useless, like “what’s up!”, whenever you are concentrated on some work you have to finish asap. To respond, you have to raise your head, take your earphones off, “Sorry, didn’t catch that?”, hear the useless words, smile trying to be polite and hiding you are greatly annoyed, put your earphones back on, concentrate, write a few more words, only to be shaken with a finger pointing at you with a boogie dancer’s expression for no reason by that same colleague/friend… And you have to repeat the process, again…

In the end, for some reason you are pointed out as a slow worker… NO! I am only kind and rather than hurting anyone’s feelings, I choose to smile, grind my teeth and lose time…

– How about that friend who finishes your sentence before you have even started it? Usually their version of the sentence has nothing to do with what you meant to say, but they carry on with that topic and ask you a question, reprimand you for making such a wrong choice and start giving you a lesson. I was NOT going to say that! The sentence I began with “Smoking is hard to give up, even during…” was not supposed to be continued by pregnancy and followed by a lecture about what an awful potential mother am for not quitting and harming my fetus! I don’t even smoke!!!

– When you are trying to tell a serious story, being pregnant and tired and all, sometimes a slip of the tongue makes you mispronounce a word… But not a big deal, you want to continue with the story, but your listener, the person you are trying to confide in is already in tears from laughing out loud… You try to smile politely, grinding your teeth, and wonder if you will ever be able to finish that major issue of yours you need to get off your chest.

– Another one in your audience gets so inspired by the first few words you uttered to introduce your story that they start telling for the 50th time an anecdote of theirs, showing how great, how brave, how incredible they were, while you try to shut your ears with invisible pillows and try to think of unicorns until the sentence ends.

– Then there are those who come up with the weirdest questions that make you wonder about their IQ. For the first time in my life, feeling nauseous and not being able to retain much of the healthy food I loved as a normal, non pregnant person, I was eating a lot of weird stuff I would have normally stayed away from, just to be able to survive the fidgety stomach days. Then comes along a lunch buddy, a person you only see during lunch, and asks me, a hormonal preggo woman: “Are you sure it is not all in your head?”

Please, see me puking my guts out, and I dare you to ask me that again!

So, these are just a few people I have been pissed by throughout my short pregnancy till now… It feels great to let them go now, at least until my next encounter with them… Thanks for bearing with me till the end. Apparently that is a rare quality these days…